Stupidity and How to Manipulate It

A cheap laugh is the greatest form of entertainment. Exploiting stupid people and the misery of others are two great ways to get a cheap laugh. Example 1: When a guy is running toward your elevator, cries out "Please hold the door," and you let the door close on him. Example 2: Describing the greatness of Hitler to an impressionable child. A cheap laugh is always needed, and if you can't exploit other people, feel free to exploit yourself. God knows I do. Self exploition requires less creativity and is just as effective. The other day, I was at some dance (fagnostic, isn't it) and was getting bored shitless. The music was loud, so I couldn't manipulate people with my loud voice. What option did I have? Make an ass of myself! I helped form a circle, got in the middle, and did some 'break dancing.' Imagine Chris Farley's not-as-fat brother trying to dance like Gene Kelly, tripping repeatedly. I had people falling to the ground laughing at me. The next thing I did involved the slow dance. When the sappy music started, I blurted out "Allright, all you guys who aren't getting any tonight go stand in the corner and wallow in self pity (myself included.)" People gave me mean looks, but fuck them. They're just pissed because they won't be getting poon. So there I was, standing in the corner, complaining about how miserably hot it was. That's when it dawned on me, a really stupid idea that was sure to get a few cheap laughs: I'd slowdance with the freakin' huge fan that was sitting in the corner. It would solve two problems, I'd get cooled off, and I'd get some akward stares and make some couples really uncomfortable. Sure enough, people started laughing and giving me funny looks. Self-degredation isn't the most positive use of my time, but god damn...... fat people are funny when they make fools of themselves, and I'm no exception.

Childrens Book Titles!

I hope to become a publisher one day, because I can't let these potential childrens classics go to waste:

- Daddy's New Wife, Robert.

- Daddy Drinks Because you Cry

- Grandpa Gets a Casket (and an enima)

- Nancy Regan, the Wicked Witch of Washington

- Curious George and the Electric Fence